January 1998 and such and such by the SMUG staff |
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People begin to panic around their birthdays, fearing that they will age the whole year in that one day they celebrate. In the same way, they also get very fidgety around this time of year, thinking they will change their lives by scrawling themselves a few commands on paper. Some will succeed certainly, in doing things like eating more vegetables or removing all traces of waxy yellow buildup. Most resolutions have the impact of spitting into the wind. yeah, join the gym (but don't actually go, that's hard) learn more about math (Planck had a constant, it was good) and spend more time with the kids. (Who has kids, anyway?)
So - we have a suggestion for you. See, we at Smug love to succeed and hate to fail, especially publicly. We actually secretly like to fail in private, because it gives us fodder for writing articles and the opportunity to spin it into clever anecdotes before someone else rats us out. In the spirit of managed success, we offer the following as a springboard to success in the New year. EZ to Keep™ New Years Resolutions that will be ahrder to break than to abide by. Make your own list, write them down and on New Year's Eve 1999 whip it out and feel mighty successful.
in the junk drawer:
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·feature·
·net worth·
·bumping uglies·
·smoking jacket·
·ear candy·
·feed hollywood·
·target audience·
·three dollar bill·
·compulsion·
·posedown·
·the biswick files·
·mystery date·
·and such and such·
·blab·
·kissing booth·
·contents·
·freakshow·
·fan club·
·junk drawer·
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