Ten Reasons to Read SMUG:

1. Whiter teeth, fresher breath.

2. More rock, less talk.

3. No high falutin' mumbo jumbo, just good old fashioned cynicism.

4. Your mother would hate it.

5. It has a sex column.

6. No pesky corporate sponsorship, just fun ad swaps with people we like a lot.

7. It's slimming.

8. We like the attention, and you want to make us happy.

9. Free digital love and lots of it.

10. It makes you more sexy.

What do you mean Action Park?

Michael Jackson is slated to open a theme park in Poland. Jackson claims he developed a "special affinity" for Poland while touring there when the Prime Minister invited him to tea. We're just wondering what kind of biscuits were served, if you know what we mean. Now, the real question is, just what will the rides be like?

Sharpen Your Claws

The Beastie Boys have X-Large and X-Girl. Now Wu Tang Clan has branched out into the world of merchandising, but I doubt we'll ever see this one featured as "store within a store" at Macy's. They opened a nail salon on Staten Island. In a clever marketing ploy, it's called "WU TANG CLAN NAIL SALON." While you have your tips airbrushed with the likenesses and names of your favorite clan members, you can watch Wu Tang videos on one of numerous screens, or think about which lovely piece of Clan memorobilia you'd look best sporting. We've always said that to get us to take a trip to Staten Island it would take something really special, after all, from Manhattan, it's a 50 cent ferry ride and a half a world away, but we don't think this is it.

Stop the Madness

We keep reading about Hootie and the Blowfish getting sued by their former manager. We have no opinion about the lawsuit, but please, someone needs to tell all those journalists out there to stop referring to Hootie and company as "the rockers" as in "the rockers had no comment about the claim." The Blowfish are a lot of things but rockers they ain't.

Hey

You know what we need? The ShaNaNa of the Nineties. We've been puzzling over what to do with Soul Asylum now that they've just kind of lost their ability to do anything besides cover really good songs by other people, maybe they could kind of take over as the official novelty act of a generation. Think about it, they already know how to play all the really good songs, and if they feel too cool to take our previous suggestion of becoming the nation's coolest wedding band, then I think the whole ShaNaNa plan would be the way to go.

staff@smug.com

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