November 1997 the biswick files by Sherman T. Biswick |
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Dear Mr. Biswick,
Dear Martin,
You are of course referring to that television commerical from a few years
back with the kids and the owl. I never was much for candy but I like owls.
For his high school graduation, I got my grandson a ceramic owl wearing a
cap and gown. Owls are supposed to be wise and my grandson is a wiseacre.
So, I thought that was an appropriate gift. I haven't seen any scientific
studies about the wiseness of owls, but I do know that they eat lots of
varmints. I've never seen an owl eat candy but you may, Martin, if you live
long enough. So, cut down on the candy and eat more potatos and you'll live
a long life.
Sincerely,
Sherman T. Biswick
Dear Mr. Biswick,
Dear Kevin,
I have never visited a prostitute. But cancer, now that's very bad. My
uncle, George, had cancer of the lungs but soon got over it. He smoked
non-stop for 52 years. He got the cancer but he visited a faith healer who
cured him. This fellow, whose name now escapes me, was based in Xenia,
Ohio. His church was destroyed when they had those tornados up there in the
70s. Fortunately, George had visited that particular church 15 years before
the tornados so he got out well in time. Other people weren't so lucky.
Many mobile homes were tipped over and I heard a story about a young fellow
whose sideburns were torn from his face and sent through a telephone pole.
I don't know if that story is true but many young men in the 1970s had king
size sideburns and telephone poles weren't as sturdy then as they are now.
Sideburns as you may know, were named after Admiral Burnside.
Sincerely,
Dear mr. Biswick,
Dear Sharon,
The easy answer is, "It depends on what time zone you're in and how old the
boy is." But, Sharon, wait for the boys to finish becoming men. Remember,
relations with boys is against the law everywhere except Alabama.
Sincerely,
Sherman T. Biswick
in the junk drawer:
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