June 1997 three dollar bill by Willie Love |
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"Good Times" for Gay Men
Being gay in the late 90s is starting to feel like what I can only imagine
it felt like to be black in the late 70s. Kind of being black in the "Good
Times" way, with the role of JJ being played by the fags.
It makes more sense than you think. JJ was a funny guy, full of cliché
mannerisms, unable to hold a job, him always blaming it on being black and
the audience and his mother always knowing it was because he was
irresponsible. When something of magnitude happened and it was time for JJ
to put up or get out he always came through. He would ultimately make the
morally favored decision, or be a sensitive family member, proving that his
internal humanity superseded his blackness.
Being gay isn't much different these days, and I am specifically talking
about being a gay man. Being a lesbian has not only become downright
fashionable, it's become a fucking phenomenon, and more stylish than any
couture Todd Oldham line 20 minutes before it's ever trotted down a runway.
Lesbians are seen as being complex, if only that it's now recognized that
there are at least four kinds of lesbians, the weekend variety (as seen in
porn films), hardcore dykes, in comfortable shoes with bad haircuts and
lipstick lesbians - the ones you'd never know were gay unless they started
espousing the value of the solace they find in all girl love. The fourth
variety of course, is the celebrity lesbian, and while we know entirely too
much about them, we know nothing about them at the same time, like kd lang
and Ellen.
Gay men haven't gotten the same media darling treatment. I thought it
might slip into the mainstream when American hero Greg Louganis came out on
Oprah with his gayness and his HIV at the same time. America - or rather,
American women, fags, and pony tailed het boys wept. But it lacked the
proper all audiences titillation it would have taken for the elevation to
darling status.
So we're stuck again. Stuck in the 70s. We're JJ on Good Times with no
catch phrase like he had. I remember when I was a kid, and had too much
self respect to wear the denim hat in the same neo-Kangol style that was
JJ's trademark with the words "DYN-NO-MITE" embroidered in orange on the
brim that my grandmother gave me for Christmas. I was a fan of the show,
and when she gave it to me she grudgingly admitted that he was "a talented
fellow" which of itself, was a fine statement, were it not followed with
the phrase "and he's colored, you know." Like I didn't notice. I suppose
an argument could be made that this was a compliment from grandma, her
assuming I was so thoroughly clean in my childlike mindset that I didn't
even perceive racial differences, but coming from the woman who
referred to her neighbor's maid as "the spook lady who works next door" I
assure you we're dealing with a different animal.
It's almost impossible to hear about the achievements of a gay man without
then hearing that he's gay. As in that so and so is a great fashion
designer, and he's gay you know. Okay, fashion designer was too easy a
target, but the point is - it's still gay. When a lesbian does something
of note - they're just cooler for doing it through sisterhood. People
like their gay men to have affectations, so they can spot them easier, like
the speech thing I've never been able to successful emulate despite the
fact that I've been having sex with men for 11 years, or the limpwristed
thing I just can't justify or feel comfortable with.
I'm pretty well convinced that this is because gay is not as visible to the
naked eye as black was. I concede that things are getting marginally
incrementally, if only infinitesimally better for us, with gay male human
rights making small leaps forward. That I now can look a suburban
housewife who just sat down at my bar in the eye and say I'm gay without
fear that she'll shriek and run away is a step in the right direction.
The day I can kiss my boyfriend on the cheek in the mall without fearing
some redneck will kick my ass is a lot farther into the future though.
Meanwhile, I have to keep calling people sister to let them know I'm gay
for hetero people's comfort. Because you can't see gay like you can see
black. I've decided that although it makes people box you in a lot faster,
it saves me from the trouble of having to babysit them through their shock
and having to hear the sentence I dread most "you don't seem gay" when they
ultimately find out. I imagine that it's a lot like a black person hearing
the old "you're not like a black person, you're more like a white person"
with the combined sense of flattery, self loathing and extreme anger and
frustration. I'm exactly like a gay man. Being gay, in it's very essence
makes me that way.
No matter how much I want to slap anyone who utters those foolish words
about the head and neck for several minutes though, it in no way speeds the
plow to the real goals like partner health care and not getting beat up on
the street that gay men are looking for. Just like I'm sure Jimmie Walker,
the actor who played JJ felt the three thousand two hundred and sixty third
time someone asked him to say "Dyno-Mite!" and mug for them in true Al
Jolsen style, because that was how they liked their black people. Same way
90s people like their gay men, useful entertaining and preferably on a 21"
stereo television.
Willie Love, c/o staff@smug.com
back to the junk drawer
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