Alarmists Corner

Are you ready for Y2K? Since we're dead sure we're not Y2K compliant here at the Smug headquarters, instead of going through months of expensive testing and preparedness actions. Instead, we've decide to lay in supplies and hope they last till the rescue part shows up to lead us back to whatever is left of civilization.

1. Eleven gallons of peanut butter on reserve
2. Bicycle powered generator that activates tanning lamps - so that when the north American power grid is restored we'll look tan and fit, making us a shoe in for all Y2K pageants
3. Six months supply of bronchial dialators
4. Forty gallons of bleach to sterilize water and use as cologne
5. Extra guitar strings so Josh can lead staff singalongs by candlelight, punk rock and noise rock fake books so he has new material to play. (Kumbayah just won't cut it.) We hope Ben won't be too harsh when he reviews Leslie's solos.
6. Constructed "get the fuck away from me" room from refrigerator box and saddle blankets for Todd. (He gets sick of us, sometimes.)
7. Lots and lots of Liquor.
8. Tripled our illegal firearms reserve
9. 47 disposable lighters and 1042 cartons of cigarettes
10. Twelve cases of Dinty Moore Stew
11. Fourteen bottles of hair vitamins (we know what matters)
12. Y2K "Entertainment Center" consisting of beads, string, paste, glitter, construction paper, tranquilizers and pipe cleaners
13. Nine helper monkeys
14. A copy of the DSM III so we can take turns diagnosing one another
15. Flashlights so Brian can review shadow puppet movies. (no, really it's part of Dogma 95)
16. Cast of "Party of Five" masks so Joe can stay in practice helping celebrities
17. 18 tubes of Crest Complete Care
18. Enough dental floss to circle earth, twice
19. Case of Sour Patch kids - note - do we need more of those?
20. Copy of the futurist manifesto
21. More liquor