October 1999 smoking jacket by Gregory Alkaitis-Carafelli |
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Outside the Box
A man in black tights, his head looking tiny and out of place dwarfed
by the
larger-than-life cardboard box he’s wearing, a box made to look like
what
you would take off the shelf if you were to buy the product of a
popular
West Coast software company, tries to convince me to buy something, or
at
least for god’s sake give him some dignity and take a few glossy
promotional
flyers. Around the corner two people are arguing over which booth has
the
most attractive presenters, while next to them one of the subjects of
their
debate -- perky, blonde, and with a headpiece microphone just like
Vogue-era
Madonna -- tries to sell people on another piece of software. Her main
point
to make for the product seems to be that it lets "you add moving GIFs
and
JPEGs to your e-mail!" And the world rejoiced, I thought, followed by
When
did the computer industry get so stupid? Or, why am I just noticing
this
now?
Lately I have been going to trade shows, giant explosions of
salespeople,
all wielding enough product literature to send weak-hearted
environmentalists over the edge into full-out cardiac arrest. I used to
think the idea of a trade show was a way to see technology lit not from
the
light of a single sales spotlight but flooded in the fluorescent glow
of
information’s Las Vegas, where the house still mostly wins, but there
are
slot machines everywhere, even the bathrooms, and you leave if not
actually richer at least feeling like a winner. Now, as the summer
season of trade shows winds to a close, to be replaced, like
television,
with a fall season of exactly the same thing, the whole process folding
in
on itself over and over until it’s totally clear to me how entire
careers
are made up of nothing but the Trade Show, people who today are
equivalent
to carnival folk, moving constantly from city to city, convention
center to
convention center, I have to wonder if other people have noticed how
silly
they look, or more importantly if they do realize but don’t care.
One company created the Golden Gate Bridge in modest miniature, and it
loomed over their plush carpeted area. Elsewhere, Marc Andressen told
me
instant messaging was the next "tornado app" -- and after he finished
telling me how proud he was of his new buzzword (killer app meets
Internet
equals tornado app: as in his example, e-mail) he told me "people
connecting
to other people is what the 'net is all about." At a CNBC mini-studio
with nothing to sell but tons of hype to give away, in the form of the
live
remote, their portable stage angled to pack the backgrounds of their
talking-head shots with the most product logos from the trade show
floor --
people nearly trampled each other to connect with a branded tote bag,
easily
"the best giveaway this year" according to one participant.
In the mail yesterday a model airplane kit came, included with an
invitation
to an event a company is holding at a trade show I’m going to this
month. I
punched out all of the parts and put them together, along with a penny
in
the nose of the plane as indicated, and it flew pretty well -- all the
way
across the office, where it crashed and promptly fell apart. How
fitting,
since it was never supposed to work in the first place; just stand out
enough to get attention paid to the company’s event. Because that is
the
lesson of the modern technology trade show: it’s not about your
product, but
how well you can make your product look; not what is inside the
software box
for sale, but how to get a man-sized version of the box for someone to
walk
around in for eight hours, and also something for him to give away to
"potentials." And every year the crowds get bigger, the giveaways more
elaborate - from T-shirt to tote bag to full-motion mechanical dolls
-
because, after all, who doesn’t enjoy the carnival when it comes to
town?
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