April 1999
s m u g
the biswick files
by Sherman T. Biswick

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Dear Biswick,
I am dating a man that is great in all regards except one: He wears these nasty, cheesy bikini underpants. Could you give a logical reason for such a choice or, better yet, a way to change his drawers?. - Moira

Dear Moira,
First of all, I'd like to say that although I am here to help you with all kinds of life problems, the first thing you might ask yourself is why am I talking to strangers about the underpants of my beloved? Now that the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, I'll go on to say that I'm not sure that I'd cherish a fellow, or actually, in my case, a lady who wore unclean underpants of any variety. I can only imagine the reason for his choice is that he's a Frenchman or from Santa Fe, New Mexico. As we all know, Moira, little can be done to help these people. Best you find yourself a nice all-American boy who had a momma who taught him that cleanliness is next to godliness, especially in your pants.

I just got married and between my new wife and myself, we have four children (two from her previous marriage, one from my previous marriage and one of ours on the way). My question is this: What should I make for dinner tonight? Thanks
- Dale

Dear Dale
Sloppy Joes.
Sherman T.

I am looking for a career change, and I was wondering if you had any suggestions. The rock star thing just didn't work out.
-Jessie

Dear Jessie,
Well, I'm no career counselor and as someone in my salad years, I left the work force several years ago to live in the retirement community. I have been reading a lot, though, and I hear the future is in computers, which is a sure sign you should consider carpentry. All the best guys in history, like Jesus and the oldest son on Eight is Enough were carpenters, and I say if it's good enough for Grant Goodeve, it's good enough for you.

Sincerely,

Sherman T. Biswick

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