Getting Personal

There's a reason some people are alone. Oh sure you know the Smug Staff is a lonely lot of Dickensian ragamuffins totally unmateable, for painfully obvious reasons, but we take solace in other people's pain. What follows is a list of lines from actual personal ads froma variety of local publications compiled by us with the help of and inspired by the lovely B. Erin Cole.

I'm the son of a prom queen!

I like new movies and new animals.

Saxophone player, hope to play harmnica with you someday.

I am handsome and constantly interesting.

Seeking woman with Hansonesque good looks minus the pop smarm.

I am a link in the golden chain of love that stretches around the world.

Do you own at least five fleece tops? Let's talk.

I'm graceful, drug-free and I have rhythm.

I'm a big challenge!

Seeking a nice spice girl whose tuned into the music of life

Seeking a really nice girl whose into intellectual pursuits, reading to sick children, helping the needy, and proud of her rich irish heritage

I would like someone who isn't affraid of a man with a past

Tired of not having an answer when asked the question "where was the strangest place you had sex"?

You probably wont know what Im talking about, but Im a private teacher of movement reeducation.

This is a poem! read it carefully! hose-nosed dufus seeks deep sweetus !

I'm extremely hormonally charged and need to vent some frustration.

Antonio Banderas/Brandon Lee mix with more muscles, 150 IQ, and a heart for God.

Skinny Hippie Chick w/more brains than makeup

I'm much more interested in the music than in the scene.

You & I are lean, toned, good looking, and not afraid to bowl

Let's work out the details on an M/A deal of love.

Now that winter is coming to an end i need somebody for under the boardwalk

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

open your heart to my kid and three dogs

Let's talk pizza, potato chips and nuns!

I'm better than Lotto!

Looks not important, but extra thin a definite plus.

If you have finished growing, you are for me.

I enjoy dancing and own my own bus.

Mold my soft clay in your hands.

Hates freeways and chains.

Let your thought processes say "yes" to me.

I am recognized internationally for my accomplishments.

Seeking possibly alternative women.

Imagine Kenny Rogers, only smarter!

staff@smug.com

in the junk drawer: