February 1998
s m u g
target audience
by Leslie Harpold

*

Parents Just Don't Understand

why pierce your tongue? why pierce your tongue?

The question is posed: "Why would someone use their own time to hack into your company's computer system and post your confidential stuff to the Internet?"

Then the maniac answers "For the same reason we pierce our tongues!" The "hacker" laughs and shows us his pierced tongue, just so we know he's not a poser. A poser wouldn't have the guts to show up in an IBM commercial and not have a 12 guage tongue piercing, no sireee.

And I can hear the suits at home, Docker clad, worrying about their role as last line of defense for their intranet, thinking that the whole world is just dying to know how much their secretary paid in FICA last year and of course, check the inter company Microsoft Hearts all time high scores. Not to mention the hacker populace's excitement over getting their hands on that wacky "Why Microsoft is like a car" email that's been circulating on the Intrant. No matter how many times they see it, you know, it's always a hoot.

Scare the executives, let's confirm their worst fears that anyone proficient in breaking in to fire walls is indeed a crazed lunatic - just look, he looks nuttier than that guy in The Piano. I know as well as you that anyone with Aboriginal tattoos is a lunatic, and especially if he has a pierced tongue, That just seals the deal. And the unkempt goatee. Honey, I think you better hold me.

They're hacking your intranet for the same reasons they pierce their tongues? Really? Someone is going have to explain to me then, how hacking into the company's database is going to enhance their lovers' enjoyment of oral favors, because last time I checked, that was why everyone i know with a pierced tongue took the plunge.

Look, there are plenty of good reasons to protect your data, and there is probably some information on your company's computer system worth protecting. Selecting this stereotype to saddle with the burden of being your company's worst enemy is foolhardy. Chances are 64 in 100 (an actual FBI statistic, believe it or not) that most security breaches are made by disgruntled employees. So, the fact of the matter is that the enemy probably looks a lot more like you than that guy with the facial tatts.

More than a commercial for network security, I see this ad having more impact on the teens and twenty nothings viewing it, looking for a good way to shake their old man up. It gives validity to the idea that body modification is done by dangerous people with a reckless intent. In a culture full of pony tailed alt rock loving boomers it's gotten so hard to rebel, that this may serve to delineate some semblance of difference between "us" and them" and leave all of us genxers to ponder precisely how we can explain our random piercings to our boss. (of course our bosses won't find out since we had the sense to hide our piercings places where they couldn't find them, or we're self employed.)

In these politically correct times, though, what I'm really waiting for is the Aborigines v. IBM to show up on Court TV suing for defamation of their body tattooing culture. Still, I'm curious about hacking corporate computer systems as a means to sexual gratification for your partner. Just what does the BSD in Unix stand for again?

leslie@smug.com

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why pierce your tongue?

why pierce your tongue?







     
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